Sesos de Caca (Sh_t for Brains)

One really nice day last fall, around 9:00 in the morning, I asked Maria at work if I could take her car for a quick test drive around the neighborhood. She had just gotten it out of the shop and I was bored, so I used that excuse to go for a spin.

She said yes, and gave me the keys and off I went, not telling anyone where I was going. I work in a rather remote area near the Santa Teresa airport; mostly just a bunch of warehouses and some vacant lots and stuff. Nothing too exciting, to say the least. So, off I headed towards the airport. I decided to turn down a street that has no warehouses on it, just a turnaround on the end next to the railroad track and a left turn to go back to civilization. As I turned left to head back to work I saw a HUGE rattlesnake stretched out in the middle of the road. It looked dead, but it really didn't look like had been run over, so SMART MEL, pulled over to check it out. This thing was about 4 feet long and it was just laying there, straight as a stick in the middle of the road. I pulled up about 15 feet in front of the snake, got out and for whatever reason, left the drivers door wide open and walked back to check it out. As I walked closer to the snake I happened to look back at the open car door and thought, "What if this thing is alive and decides to go crawl into her car. How am I going to get it out?" So I walked back and closed the door and again began my investigation of the creepy reptile. Having grown up in the southwest, I know somewhat concerning rattlesnakes and I know they can be very dangerous. However, with that said, this particular snake was laying stretched out and it wasn't moving. Its tongue wasn't sticking out trying to smell me or anything. (My level of expertise told me that had to be a good sign)

I walked around it a time or two and nothing. Finally, I found a stick, and decided to approach it from the tail end. (Now that's good thinkin', right?) Anyway, the stick was about 2 feet long, maybe 2 and a half feet at the most, because that was the longest one I could find at the moment, and believe me, I looked for a longer one. So as carefully as I could, I stretched out my arm with my stick just as far as I could reach and began to proceed. Now, the plan was to touch the snake on the tail and observe what would happen. Remember, this thing really looked dead. Well, I observed real quick that it was indeed quite alive.

Now, picture this, and you can believe it or not, but when I touched the tip of the tail of that snake; and I mean the INSTANT I touched that snake on the tail, that thing came ALIVE!! It turned around, coiled itself and started shaking its tail so its rattlers would rattle. I swear, I have NEVER in my life seen anything move that fast. Most of you have probably heard a rattlesnake at least a time or two in your life, (at least on TV), so you know the creepy sound they make, and you know they mean business, too. Well, up close and in person that sound will send a chill up your spine.

Well, just as fast as that snake turned on me, I jumped backwards, probably catching at least a foot of air, and in mid air, threw the stick at the snake, said an explicative that starts with a capital, "S", came back to earth and did my best to keep my wobbly legs under me as I hurried back to the car and drove myself back to the warehouse.

After settling myself down back at work, I retold the tale to a couple of my workers, to which I'm sure they said to themselves, "What kind of pendejo, (Spanish for moron) am I working for?" Thankfully, they didn't get carried away with their making fun of me.

I went back a couple of hours later, but my "Possum Playing Friend" was nowhere to be found.
Thank goodness!!

While I was sitting there; this time in my own truck, I started thinking for a second about getting out and seeing if I could find him again. But then I had another idea come to mind that beat that one all to heck:

"Leave the thing alone you KNUCKLEHEAD;" and I went back to work.