Jerry B.D. Doogan

This is story of a joke I played on my brother Wayne, a couple of years ago. He works for a local trucking company and over the years he's had his experiences with dispatchers and at least some of them aren't the most positive. One day I decided to write a scenario just for him, and then call his cell phone, change my voice and read the script. Then I hung up and waited for his call.

Well, it took about 3 weeks to hear from him and it was really funny because apparently he fell for it. I guess he finally figured it out near the end of the call and busted up laughing, but at least I had his blood starting to boil for a little while. He called me and said he'd been letting everyone he could find, listen to it, until one day he accidentally hit the delete button instead of the save button, and it was gone.

I chose a person that I thought would be the kind of person that always has a big stinking cigar hanging out of his mouth, with a strong Texas accent and is in general, fairly full of himself.

Here's the phone message he heard;

"Yea Wayne,

My name is Jerry B.D. Doogan and I need you to call me at 539-4215, just as soon as you get this damn message.

This afternoon I was hired by Mr. Russell himself, to straighten out a few of his bigger problems here at Russell Transportation. I don't know just how soon I'll totally replace the jerk-water dispatcher he has now, probably pretty damn quick though, but Mr. Russell said for me to start working tonight and that's the reason for this damn call. Again, my name is Jerry, my number is 539-4215, and I need to hear from you right away.

In fact, why in the HELL is your damn phone not on all of the damn time? I need 24 hour access to all of my damn drivers, and Wayne, if you don't want to be on of MY damn drivers, then you just keep turning your damn cell phone off, and that will take care of that, "Muy Damn Pronto", and I hope you understand where I'm coming from on this.

I hear through the grapevine that you're a damn good driver. I don't know if that's self proclaimed or what, but damn good driver or not so damn good a driver, I have got to be able to get in touch with all of you damn gear jammers in a moments notice. That is my first damn rule. Well, actually, that's my second rule, my first rule is for all you damn drivers to understand that I am more important than God himself.

I need you to go out on a run tonight, without fail. I'm still having trouble getting hold of your damn runnin' partner, Jack Conrad, too. I think you two must be like two peas in a damn pod or something, because it looks like he's just as bad as you when it comes to cell phones. Just because you're both white and you're both married to Mexicans doesn't let either one of you off the damn hook. Hell, I'm married to a Mexican gal myself, and I'm damn proud to spend plenty of time with her too, but that's not the issue here. We're talkin' about being damned responsible.

TEAMWORK!! TEAMWORK!! TEAMWORK!!
That's my damn Motto!!!

Now Wayne, I'm going to build a damn winning team here at Russell, and I can do it with or without your damn help, because whether you know it or not, truck drivers are a damn dime a dozen in my book, and right now I've got a pocket just FULL of those damn dimes.

So, I'll say this one more damn time and I want you to listen carefully,

My name is Jerry B. D. Doogan!! Call me at 539-4215. Damn it."

"click"

This was funny to me because Wayne said he started listening to the message and he could feel him self getting more and more upset; saying to himself, "Who the heck is this guy." And, "No way am I going to put up with this crap."

Anyway, we both had a good laugh. I hope you got a chuckle out of it too.